stuff [01 Oct 2003|07:12pm] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | spellbound- Siouxsie and the Banshees ] Chris broke up with me. He decided that it would be too weird kissing a guy. What an ass. But I have to respect his decision. So I'm not the happiest of people at the moment. And during that time I was with him I repressed all my feelings for anyone else I was attracted to. Even Mark. But Mark is in my Geometry class this year and I look at him a lot. I still like him a lot, damnit! I don't want to like him and I tell myself that I shouldn't like him because he'll never like me. So I feel like I'm being bad because my crush on him would freak him out and all I want to do is make him happy so I try not to feel like I'm in love with him. But I used to try to say that I wasn't in love with him and just was in lust with him, but thats not it at all. I think I might actually love him. I asked myself the question of would I rather be kissed by him or have sex with him, and I realized that I would rather kiss him then do it with him because my feelings for him are not driven by my hormones but rather my heart. I was thinking about how not being with him makes me want to die, but just seeing him makes me feel so alive. Wow, I think I really am in love. But I don't want to be in love with someone who will never love me. He's the only reason I get up in the morning. I only go to school to see him. Someone tell me what to do? 8 comments|post comment

Chris [31 Aug 2003|08:19pm] [ mood | excited ] Well, Chris is officially my boyfriend now and I'm very happy about it. I really like him a lot. I think about him all the time. I haven't kissed him yet but I was very close to kissing him at the drive in when we went behind the drive in screen. I think I might see him tomorrow. If I do I'll kiss him. I wonder what it will be like. I think about it a lot. Well, I'll stop talking everyone's ear off now and let you all go back to doing whatever it was you were doing before you read this. Bye guys. 4 comments|post comment

[30 Aug 2003|12:15pm] I'm going to the drive in tonight. My friend Sarah helped me find a guy. His name is Chris. He's really nice and he's cute too. Well, anyway, it's going to be me, Chris, Carly, and Amanda at the drive in tonight to see Jeepers Creepers 2 and Freddy VS Jason. I'll tell you how everything went after I get back. Bye for now. 2 comments|post comment

I Want To Start A Band [15 Aug 2003|02:04pm] I really need to start a band! It would be so cool and I've just been singing to my Garbage cd all day since I woke up. If anyone is reading this and they live close and play an instrument please write me a comment or e-mail me or talk to me somehow. Thanks 4 comments|post comment

Garbage [14 Aug 2003|02:46pm] I just got the first Garbage cd today! I'm so happy because it's just so awesome! My dad bought it for me and he never buys me anything besides food because I'll de without food even though I basically survive on water and cigarettes anyway. I just don't like food but I do end up eating breakfast foods at weird hours of the night. Like last night at 2:30 in the morning I made waffles. Why do I make stuff early in the morning? And why breakfast foods? Oh, and this morning I woke up and went out to have a cigarette and I started not liking the taste. Isn't that weird? I stopped liking cigarettes over night? I don't understand it. But hey, at least I won't be spending a lot of money anymore. A pack only lasts me a day and a half if I'm lucky. 2 comments|post comment

Nina's Party [09 Aug 2003|06:50pm] [ mood | anxious ] Nina's party was great. I got to see Tabitha, and Megan, and ofcourse Nina. We are all gonna hang out tomorrow because Megan is having a party. We went to Reigilsville today to see Tabi's old house and the old cemetary. It was so cool. I'm gonna write a story about that cemetary. I can't wait for Megan's party. Nina turn's 18 at midnight so she can buy me cigarettes tomorrow! I haven't had my own pack in a while. I'm gonna go read my friends' journals. Bye everyone. 1 comment|post comment

The Lo-Fi's and Nina's party. [08 Aug 2003|11:58pm] [ mood | exhausted ] [ music | Dirty Little Hands by The Lo-Fi's ] I just was at musikfest! I saw the lo-fi's they were so amazing. This was the second time I saw them. They are a local band. I bought their cd. Nina's party is tomorrow and she said to bring a bathing suit, but I really don't swim that much because I don't want to get a tan and I don't like people seeing my body because I just don't like my body. I'm skinny and I like it that way and everything but yeah, I just don't like people seeing my bare flesh. It's like they can see every part of me, and now i'm not talking about my body, but rather my soul. Think about it. Being naked is about being completely open to everything. Your clothes protect you from things and if I get that naked I feel vulnerable. Well, I think swimming is fun and all but yeah, I just don't want to. Oh, and to everyone I just started talking to on live journal, I'm just about to add you all to my friends list. Okay, I guess I'll end this now. Bye everyone. post comment

Donnie Darko [07 Aug 2003|11:09pm] [ mood | confused ] Fucking weird ass movie! Donnie Darko is so screwed up. Yet, it's so sick that it's good. The bunny rabbit is gonna scare me because it was freaky looking. Damn what a weird movie. Everyone has to see it. And again I shall say weird fucking movie! 3 comments|post comment

[31 Jul 2003|09:21pm] [ mood | annoyed ] Well, I haven't written in a long time but yeah, what are you gonna do? Well right now I'm sort of sad for reasons I don't feel like writing down. I need to go to the thrift store and get shirts to do stuff with. I have plans to get a plain black long sleeve shirt and paint a spiderweb on it and then use this weird thing my sister has to sew a spider on there. It's gonna be cool and i'll be the only one to have it! So, yeah, thats gonna be cool, and I'm gonna learn how to play guitar now. Well, I'm gonna wrap this up now and tell the world to go fuck itself. Bye everyone. 4 comments|post comment

driving [16 Jul 2003|07:36pm] [ mood | accomplished ] My dad didn't flip out so much today in the car during my driving lesson. I drove home and everything. I think I'm getting better. I just need to learn how to back up. Kait backs up really well. Damn her. lol. 1 comment|post comment

Popular [11 Jul 2003|05:21pm] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | Popular- Nada Surf ] I downloaded that song "popular" by Nada Surf. I used to have the video taped and I would watch it almost every day. I love that song! It's still one of the best songs ever. Gee, Nada Surf. 1 hit wonder. But they are still so amazing. Oh, and I found out that Kay Hanley from Letters To Cleo did a song with the Dropkick Murphys, and she has a solo cd out now and Aimee Mann from Til Tuesday produced it. That's fucking awesome. post comment

Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want. [07 Jul 2003|07:38pm] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want - The Smiths ] Good times for a change See, the luck I've had Can make a good man Turn bad So please please please Let me, let me, let me Let me get what I want This time Haven't had a dream in a long time See, the life I've had Can make a good man bad So for once in my life Let me get what I want Lord knows, it would be the first time Lord knows, it would be the first time ----------------------------------------------------- That song is the fucking story of my life. post comment

[06 Jul 2003|04:16pm] Well, not much is happening today. I have been listening to the smiths basically all day. And I was also listening to joy division. I'm waiting for my letters to cleo cd to arrive. I hope it comes tomorrow damnit. I'm ordering three shirts from everythingenglish.com. One siouxsie and the banshees shirt, and 2 moz shirts. My mom is paying for them because they are for back to school. I want the siouxsie pins I saw there. I'm gonna look for a dramarama shirt. post comment

T3H G1B50N [04 Jul 2003|02:04am] Amanda is sleeping over and she was sending weird links of people with large penises to our friend Meribeth. And she kept typing T3H G1B50N, which is how hackers spell the gibson. She saw it on some website. LOL. Shes crazy, but in a good way. 2 comments|post comment

User Icon [03 Jul 2003|02:24am] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | How soon is now by the smiths ] Say hello to my first lj icon! Isn't it great? I made it myself. I had to resize it a million times and I kept having to change the picture I wanted, but it's good now and I like it. Tell me what you think, please. 3 comments|post comment

my convo with amanda [03 Jul 2003|12:25am] [ mood | amused ] [ music | Faggot by Mindless Self Indulgence ] Punkrockers4ever: lol i just thought of that one living dead movie with the punk kids not a loserx: LOL return of the living dead Punkrockers4ever: the part in the graveyard Punkrockers4ever: "trash is taking off her clothes again" Punkrockers4ever: and that horrible song not a loserx: LMFAO!!! Punkrockers4ever: i want to hear it again Punkrockers4ever: i know you think i'm nasty not a loserx: but i am no common girl not a loserx: LOL Punkrockers4ever: made love once to the devil Punkrockers4ever: he was no big thrill Punkrockers4ever: that was so bad! LOL!!!!!!!! Punkrockers4ever: i'm crying Punkrockers4ever: it's just too funny Punkrockers4ever: okay Punkrockers4ever: i'm calm now not a loserx: LMAO post comment

Morrissey and Siouxsie [02 Jul 2003|11:09pm] [ mood | horny ] [ music | Peek A Boo by Siouxsie and the Banshees ] I am so obsessed with both morrissey and siouxsie. I would marry both of them if i could. Siouxsie has cool eyebrows and is just...hot. And Moz is so deep and beautiful and he has a really sexy voice. Siouxsie has nice boobs, lol. An Morrissey has the perfect guy chest. Not overdone, just right. And I think he shaves his armpits which is a good thing. I want to shave mine because pit hair is gross. lol. Are you glad I ramble on all the time? Ofcourse you are. You love me, don't you? lol. I should really stop writing now and stop wasting your time. So bye peeps! post comment

[10 Jun 2003|10:57am] [ mood | amused ] Yesterday I hung out with Carly and Teresa. We went to the park and Teresa kept playing with Carly's lighter. She lit paper on fire, sticks, tree sap, the list goes on and on, but the best one had to be when the crazy bastard lit a tampon on fire. And then I lit a cigarette off the burning tampon! lol. Oh, and we also took a "NO DUMPING" sign off a tree and put it in the outhouse thing. There was a fucking huge piece of shit in the urinal lol!? Who the fuck would shit in a urinal? Today was our last day of school. It is now summer! Nothing much has happened yet, but if anything does, I'll write more. post comment

Mark and stuff [08 Jun 2003|12:05am] Sorry I haven't been writing much lately, it's not like anyone reads this anyway but, yeah. So I told Carly I was bisexual yesterday and she was totally cool with it. I wanted to write so much in here about when I came out to all my friends and stuff but I just didn't want Carly to know because I thought she would like never speak to me again or something but now I realize it's really no big deal. And I can finally tell everyone that I am obsessed with this guy named Mark. I won't say his last name because if he finds out I will want to run away and hide forever. But if he finds out and it turns out he likes me too then I won't care. I really want him to like me but I guess if he's straight then nothing can ever happen. He probably is. I heard he has a g/f. I got way depressed when I heard. Oh fuck! I'm in love with a straight guy that I can never have! I feel like crying while staring at his picture now. WAIT! Maybe he's bisexual! YAY! Now I'm not so sad anymore. But I still feel sad because he's taken and I probably will never get him even if he is bi. Damnit. Now that I have made myself totally and utterly depressed I should just end this post and write in my other journal before I go to bed, and then look at Mark's picture again. I wish I didn't like him. I would rather not like him if me liking him would freak him out but I can't help who I like. Wow. I feel so weird now, pouring my soul out to a computer screen. 1 comment|post comment

Ali [12 May 2003|02:53pm] [ mood | sad ] [ music | Goodbye To You by Michelle Branch ] One of my best friends that I love very much is leaving and I might never see her again. We have so much in common and we just cliqued instantly the first time we met. I just wish we could have known eachother longer that way I would have at least have tons of fun memories. Although we have only known eachother for 6 months I feel that we are very close. I was so close to breaking down today in school. I waited until I got up to my room and closed the door before I started to cry my eyes out and listen to sad music. I have just about finished off a whole box of tissues. I think I'll write a poem about this. I wish I had a cigarette right about now. Damnit. Well, I'll write more later, I have to go cry some more. post comment

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